Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Guest Post: Bethany Hegedus on Writer Mama Survival Guide

By Bethany Hegedus
for Cynthia Leitich Smith's Cynsations

There are craft books on writing and parenting books galore, but nothing on how to be a “Writer Mama.”

I’ve watched many friends make the transition, somehow blurry-eyed making it to the page in between breast feeding and diaper changes. 

I’ve witnessed my friends with kids in elementary school put in longer hours, taking their laptops with them to doctor appointments and school pick-ups. My friends with teens write with them at coffee shops, each one blissfully zoning out but still in each other’s company.

Still, I wondered—how exactly do we do this thing: write for a living or with a passion (passion earns us a living, I promise) and mother? 

My son is almost seven months old. I am not an expert and doubt I ever will be, but this is what I have cobbled together as my own Writer Mama Survival Guide.

1. Podcasts: In the first few months of life, babies spend six to eight hours a day feeding. Your hands and breasts may be busy but your mind needs stimulation. Find a podcast you love! (Bonus if it is about writing and creativity.) 


I loved the form so much, I began The Writing Barn’s Porchlight podcast.

2. Hunt for the Time: Friend and mentor, Kathi Appelt said when her kiddos were little she’d write in 15 minute increments. This is doable. 

Also, hunt for longer time. Hire a babysitter and go to a coffee shop. Breathe deep.

The clock is ticking—but even so the first torn moments away feel so heavy. Push through the worry and guilt and do the work you love. Craft one sentence then another. 

You will start to feel yourself returning and that is both good for you and your little one.

3. Enlist Help: My husband and I made the tough decision about childcare, finding a home daycare we love. 

As we are both freelancers, it was necessary. Do what you need to do for your family, your work, and your own peace of mind.

4. Circle of Creative Friends: As an older mama, I don’t have many friends with little ones—but I do have friends. 

Creative friends. Writer friends. Yes, we do talk about the baby, but we also still talk about books, deadlines, the industry, their work, my work, our mutual and separate struggles. 

Don’t isolate. Keep up your writer’s group if you can. If really brave, take a class. Or in my case, teach a class. The communion of other creatives feeds you. Bring that energy back to mothering.

5. Don’t Do It All: I have a full co-parent in my partner and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Nor would he. But no matter what the load is on your shoulders, don’t take it all on. I may have a cluttered living room for the next 15 or so years but I will have books on the shelves—or scattered across the floor—that this writing mama wrote.

Co-writer Arun Gandhi holding Taru
6. Look for Inspiration: I am a children’s writer. You don’t have to be a parent to be one. Now or ever—but if you are, use it. Seeing the world through my son’s eyes is changing my work, just as it has changed me.

7. Change Form: I am a novelist and picture book writer. I will continue to do both but since my son’s birth I’ve been crafting more creative nonfiction than working on novels.

I am finding pleasure in finding the through lines in the lives of my chosen subjects, as I give my guy his beginning.

8. Gold Stars: This one isn’t from me—as my son’s chores consist of drooling and pooping and making me laugh and surge with love—but it is from Printz-Honor author and mother of two, Ashley Perez.

Keeping a chart for her son, nightly he asks her, “Did you write your five pages, Mama?” And he watches her put a gold star next to her name.

9. Trial and Error: Anne Lamott has a saying I love: “Scooch, scooch, stall.” Trying is trying and tiring.

I prefer to take baby steps. And rest. Lots and lots of rest.

10. Be Real; Not Realistic: Just as there is societal pressure on women, there is societal pressure on mothers.

Know the pressure is out there—and in here. Feel it and then let it go. Talk about the joys and struggles both—with your partner, your friends, and even with the page. Be real. Your writing and mothering will be all the better for it.

There is no one-sized fits all for anything in life, being or becoming a writer mama included. Write your own list—you have your own wisdom to share, with yourself and others.

Additional resources and links:

Cynsations Notes

Bethany Hegedus, mom to now 19-month-old Taru, has sold three picture book biographies, since becoming pregnant. Alabama Spitfire: The Story of Harper Lee and To Kill a Mockingbird, illustrated by Erin McGuire (Balzer + Bray) releases in January 2018. She hopes one day to have enough brain power to write another novel.

She is also the owner and creative director of The Writing Barn, a writing retreat workshop and event space in Austin, Texas.

Her books include the award-winning Grandfather Gandhi (Atheneum, 2014) and Be the Change: A Grandfather Gandhi Story (Atheneum, 2016), both co-written with Arun Gandhi, grandson to the Mahatma, and illustrated by Evan Turk. Her pre-motherhood novels are Truth with a Capital T (Delacorte, 2010) and Between Us Baxters (West Side Books, 2009).

She is also a graduate of the Vermont College of Fine Arts MFA program in Writing for Children and Young Adults and the former editor of the literary journal Hunger Mountain.

Taru now

1 comment:

Nancy Tandon said...

Wonderful (and realistic) list! I'm past the early stage but it never fails that just as I get flowing, I've got to get going to pick up at a practice, take in forgotten homework, etc. It's a life-long balancing act.
And boy that is one cute kid!

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